Sometimes I feel like I could cry. For instance, when I take my one-month-old to her well check at the new doctor in the new town and my runny-nosed two-year-old wets herself only one hour after going in the toilet at home, the new patient paperwork is not anywhere close to done, the baby is screaming because she is half-naked and cold after being weighed and has been set down so that I can attend to said urine on the floor. The baby actually never does stop crying through the whole appointment so that when the doctor comes in all conversation is practically shouted over the terrible racket of a baby who will not be soothed. When we are done, I complete the paperwork at the check out desk while nursing the inconsolable baby while the two-year-old - having already filled with circles and scribbles every piece of paper I can offer - proceeds to unpeel the florist tape from the office flower pen, shred tissue into tiny shards, dig through my purse, and use the hand sanitizer on the desk about fifteen times. After the paperwork is done, Smooch's tummy is full, and Princess's snot is practically hanging to her chin, I make Smooch's 2 month well-check appointment. For the wrong month. Good first outing on my own, don't you think? Like I said, sometimes I feel like I could cry.
Then other times, none of which I can recall at this very second because I am typing while attempting to pacify Smooch during her nightly ritual of the hyper-alert cranky hour(S), I feel like my heart could burst because it is so full of love and inexplicable joy.
Rereading that, it sounds like I didn't mean that last cliche statement. Well I did.
And I'm writing this so that every fellow mom who has ever said something that even insinuates I "have it all together" in the realm of mommyhood can just erase that thought from her mind right now.
And because writing (even my sloppy, hurried version) is free therapy. :-)
Isn't it great that none of this is ever actually about how I feel at any particular moment?
Ah! The cranky hour is coming to an end, so to bed I go!
2 comments:
Oh my gosh Amelia. I just had a flash back. I had a similar experience in the peds office after Conner was born. I came home and announced to Jim that I would never do that alone again. I think he did go with me for several visits after that. I also remember when Emma was 5 weeks old and Callie was not quite 2, Callie got fifths disease. Jim had already taken all of his sick time and had to leave me home alone with a newborn and a very sick 2 year old. I just sat in the recliner with my 2 little girls and watched 12 hours straight of Disney movies. I also remember getting all 3 kids ready for church when they were 1, 3, &5 and feeling quite proud of myself. That is until Emma announce, just as we were about 2 min from church, that she did not have panties on under her dress.
z did the same thing at one of her very first appointments. screamed through the entire ordeal. i would've gone crazy if i had a second one at that moment. I hope things ease up a bit for you.
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