Socially Awkward: "Compliments" That Make Me Uncomfortable

Either I am really good at feeling uncomfortable (very possible), or people are good at making comments that steer me that direction.   It doesn't really matter which is the case.   I think the real problem is that we as women are notorious for playing the comparison game.  And I'm not sure which is worse - comparing yourself to others and feeling like you don't measure up, or receiving comments that clearly reveal others are comparing themselves to you and feel that they are not measuring up.

Thankfully, I was raised with boys.  Though I have five sisters and six brothers, as the second oldest my childhood mostly centered around my older brother and my two immediately younger brothers.  (I was not blessed with my first wonderful sister until I was eight.)  I also consider myself extremely blessed to have also been home schooled through third grade.  Formative years, I tell you.  I think that those two things combined kept me pretty ignorant to the female curse of comparing every aspect of your life with that of other females.  Likewise, I also lack the ability to properly respond to women that constantly make such comparisons out loud.   Because I generally don't play the game, I never really learned the rules.  I think I'm beginning to figure it out though.  I believe it goes something like this:

Person A compliments person B in a wistful, "I wish I was like you" sort of fashion. 

Person B responds in denial of the compliment and flips the compliment around in order to build up Person A, since apparently Person A is in need of affirmation in that particular area.

Example:

Person A: "Oh you are such a wonderful cook!  I wish I was good in the kitchen (wistful tone)."
Person B: "Are you kidding me!?  I am just mediocre in the kitchen.  YOU, on the other hand, are an awesome cook.  Remember that _______ you made the other day?  I have never been successful at it."
Person A: (Responds, blah blah blah...on and on it goes.) 

Women talk to each other like this, call it a friendship, and expect men to interpret this nonsense when we throw it at them?!  (Poor guys.)
Jealousy, you are an ugly beast.  When most people think of jealousy, they picture the person who portrays resentment, but what about those who are the target of envy? 

I have a problem.  And I am going to try to say this without sounding completely conceited.  (I have been tremendously blessed in my life.  I don't deny that).  However, it seems that by perhaps some fault of my own, some people have developed quite a terrible misconception that I "have it all together," that I am pretty nearly perfect.   Huh?  I don't try to give anyone a false impression.  I am as human as the next person.  As I have caught onto this trend over the past few years, it has begun to make me feel extremely awkward around some folks.  Seriously, nothing has been more of an annoying burden in my adult life than people thinking that I am better than I am.  It is utterly ridiculous and just wrong.  It causes some women to feel as though they cannot be themselves in my presence, which both pains and confuses me.  I wish I knew what I was doing to cause this.  In fact, I sometimes tell self-incriminating stories and point out my faults all too easily in some social circles just to make sure that I don't mislead anyone.  Silly, right? 

However, it has not been successful, and I still receive lots of envious statements loosely disguised as compliments about my talents, parenting, body, marriage, intelligence, etc.  And then it hit me: I'm not fooling anyone.  They can see right through my stories of breaking dishes because I'm clumsy, and burning my neck with a curling iron during a morning rush.  They don't really care that I'm deaf in one ear, or that I can be as blunt and judgemental as the worst of humans.  It doesn't matter that I'm a housewife who doesn't like to cook.  You see, no one is actually as envious of my talents, parenting, body, marriage, intelligence, as it seems.

It's my confidence that they want.  When you know you're loved and accepted and made exactly, perfectly the way the Lord wanted you - and I mean really know it to the point that it permeates your heart and  affects your day-to-day choices -  why wouldn't you be confident in yourself?  I know who I am, I know what I want...and lately I'm realizing that not everyone can say that.    

I am also the sort of person that rarely sees any point in blubbering about all the things I dislike about myself or my life, so I suppose you won't hear the other side from me very often.  I just generally don't like to complain about my life, plain and simple.  Unless of course it's good material for humor.  

But just in case this blog - which I keep largely as a record for our family, particularly our children - aids in any misrepresentation of its author, I aim to set the record straight.   For the next week, I will only write negative posts about all things I hate about myself.

Or not. 

However, I will be sharing some real life "things I struggle with" posts in the near future.  (I would say this week, except that I'm going to be a road trip taking, family hosting, busy sort of lady for the next week-ish.  We will see.)

And in the meantime, if you're a person who is jealous of my moderate creativity, then please come help me organize my house so you can see the flip side (like how we "creative types" often struggle with organizational skills).  But whatever you do, don't compliment me on my creativity and then in the same breath say how much you wish you were creative.  How about you be you and I'll be me, and we'll both be happy with our own unique set of strengths.

I guess we'll take the accompanying weaknesses too. ;-)