Once Upon a Time I Was Smart, a Satire

I will admit it.  I was one of those annoying students for whom good grades in school came easily.  Or so it would seem.   I'm pretty sure my peers hated me for it.  I can still hear kids jeering as my 7th grade science teacher announced, "We had ONE perfect store on this test." I did not then, nor do I now not consider myself smarter than anyone.  I think everyone has an tremendous ability to learn, and some people just don't thrive under conventional learning methods.  I just happened to have the gift of a sharp short-term memory, which worked out splendidly in the traditional classroom.

My classmate's mom once told my mom that if I didn't go to college and do something great in the workforce (or something along those lines), I would be wasting my brain.  Thankfully I have parents that are just as enthusiastic about the many other ways a person can contribute to society as they are about a college-bound kid with sky high dreams, so the pressure was off.  

Still I went to college.  Then I went to more college.  No, that is not permission to ever correct my grammar. :-)

Then I had kids.   

It started with that first pregnancy.  My brain cells began dying off one by one.  Then sleep deprivation and the brain fog set in.   Three kids later, it's all I can do to remember to mail off a birthday card to a faraway sibling.  A week late.  I stammer, grasping for the correct English word in conversation.  I can't remember the last time I washed my hair.  Oh wait.  That's a separate issue.

Then today Princess and Smooch were fighting over a particular train car, specifically the yellow one that transports the wooden circus animals.  I was about to give my "taking turns" speech, when suddenly I remembered:  we have two of those train cars.  I just saw the red one a few days ago...hold on a second...*digging through toy box where I know I tossed it*...right HERE!  

And that's the thing.

Once upon a time, I was smart.  Then having babies killed many brain cells; however, I still maintain the uncanny ability to retain information like the whereabouts of any and all small girl items.  As a result, my kids actually think I know everything because I can find all of their stuff.  Therefore, I am not wasting my brain as this is both an important and practical skill that requires intense mental power.  Likewise, it takes incredible intellectual prowess to successfully coordinate the nap times of three small children in order to make time for doing important things like write this awesome blog post.   The End.