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Our daughter is just about 100 percent weaned. She is almost exactly 18 months old. I had her down to one feeding a day (of milk obviously) and then she caught a nasty cold shortly after returning from our Disneyland trip so I reverted to letting her feed whenever she wanted. It was actually really sad how I tried to continue with the plan to wean and she cried like her heart was broken when I didn't give her any milk (past her once a day) on day one of her sickness. Anyway, as soon as she was better, I quickly moved her back to once a day again and she was fine with that transition. It's been almost a week now and I've given in on two occasions. (Ha ha. I realize this makes me sounds like a recovering addict or something!) So she's only been breastfed twice in a week. I have to say it has been both easier and harder than I imagined. On one hand, even though it's not true, I feel like I'm with holding love when I refuse her. But after saying "no, we're not going to have any milk", we hug and rock and sing and snuggle and she seems satisfied with that. And a snack of raisins or applesauce afterward.
She has developed some funny behavioral patterns since beginning to wean. I'm not sure if they're related to weaning or not. First of all, she's become a little more needy and vies for my attention a little more than before. This could be developmental but I'm sure it's more emotional, related to weaning. I watch two other kids about her age, and breastfeeding has always been the only part of Mommy that she got to have all to herself. (In fact, that is largely why I breastfed her past a year and felt she wasn't ready to stop.) So I have been trying to show her some extra special attention throughout the day. For instance, I might get her up from nap time first and let her have some alone time playing with Mommy before her friends join us a few minutes later. It definitely seems to take at least three cuddle sessions (from 5 to 20 minutes each) to emotionally fill her up the way one breastfeeding session did, so it can be challenging though beautiful.
Another thing main thing she has been doing is "getting hurt" a lot more lately, which of course requires the injury site to be peppered with special Mommy kisses. Every time she remembers it's existence. "Ouuu-ie, Mommy. Knee!" You should know that she has had an injured knee for a week now....
The last thing (that quickly comes to mind) is she has been talking/whining loudly while we're in the car and Daddy and Mommy are talking to each other. This one has me a little stumped because as much as I want to her to feel secure during this emotional transition, she needs to know that Daddy comes before Bella. That's a hard concept for her to grasp at her age, but it will make her feel more secure in the long run to know how much Mommy and Daddy love each other. Any suggestions on this one? So far I have just been telling her that she needs to use a more quiet voice while Mommy talks to Daddy. Then I make sure she does get some attention in the car, but I give her the attention when I "catch" her behaving so that I'm not rewarding her outbursts.
The other idea is the recently-born saying that "18 months is the new 'terrible two'." While I think my child has the potential to act out in ways characteristic of a slightly older child because of her advanced speaking skills (she is often speaking in three and sometimes even four word sentences now), I do not buy into this idea. In fact, I do not even buy into the "terrible twos" for a couple of reasons. First I think buying into the "terrible twos" can be an excuse to become lazy when parenting becomes more challenging, requiring a new level of creativity that engages the parents' minds (and energy!) in more ways than to which they are accustomed. Easy for me to say when I'm not there, right!? ;-) Secondly, I have watched the second year come and go in the lives of several siblings and I think that "terrible twos" can be largely dependent upon a child's temperament. And, in my experience, those kids who experience "terrible twos" often have terrible threes, fours, fives... They are just more challenging by nature, even in the wake of good discipline. Some kids are the opposite. And lots are in between. Bella's response to consistent forms of discipline in past months have been very encouraging in this regard, though she shows potential to be one of those strong-willed types. I'm just saying that no matter what message the world screams at me, I refuse to resign myself to certain "facts."
She has developed some funny behavioral patterns since beginning to wean. I'm not sure if they're related to weaning or not. First of all, she's become a little more needy and vies for my attention a little more than before. This could be developmental but I'm sure it's more emotional, related to weaning. I watch two other kids about her age, and breastfeeding has always been the only part of Mommy that she got to have all to herself. (In fact, that is largely why I breastfed her past a year and felt she wasn't ready to stop.) So I have been trying to show her some extra special attention throughout the day. For instance, I might get her up from nap time first and let her have some alone time playing with Mommy before her friends join us a few minutes later. It definitely seems to take at least three cuddle sessions (from 5 to 20 minutes each) to emotionally fill her up the way one breastfeeding session did, so it can be challenging though beautiful.
Another thing main thing she has been doing is "getting hurt" a lot more lately, which of course requires the injury site to be peppered with special Mommy kisses. Every time she remembers it's existence. "Ouuu-ie, Mommy. Knee!" You should know that she has had an injured knee for a week now....
The last thing (that quickly comes to mind) is she has been talking/whining loudly while we're in the car and Daddy and Mommy are talking to each other. This one has me a little stumped because as much as I want to her to feel secure during this emotional transition, she needs to know that Daddy comes before Bella. That's a hard concept for her to grasp at her age, but it will make her feel more secure in the long run to know how much Mommy and Daddy love each other. Any suggestions on this one? So far I have just been telling her that she needs to use a more quiet voice while Mommy talks to Daddy. Then I make sure she does get some attention in the car, but I give her the attention when I "catch" her behaving so that I'm not rewarding her outbursts.
The other idea is the recently-born saying that "18 months is the new 'terrible two'." While I think my child has the potential to act out in ways characteristic of a slightly older child because of her advanced speaking skills (she is often speaking in three and sometimes even four word sentences now), I do not buy into this idea. In fact, I do not even buy into the "terrible twos" for a couple of reasons. First I think buying into the "terrible twos" can be an excuse to become lazy when parenting becomes more challenging, requiring a new level of creativity that engages the parents' minds (and energy!) in more ways than to which they are accustomed. Easy for me to say when I'm not there, right!? ;-) Secondly, I have watched the second year come and go in the lives of several siblings and I think that "terrible twos" can be largely dependent upon a child's temperament. And, in my experience, those kids who experience "terrible twos" often have terrible threes, fours, fives... They are just more challenging by nature, even in the wake of good discipline. Some kids are the opposite. And lots are in between. Bella's response to consistent forms of discipline in past months have been very encouraging in this regard, though she shows potential to be one of those strong-willed types. I'm just saying that no matter what message the world screams at me, I refuse to resign myself to certain "facts."
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In whom, in what, do you put your trust? Through tumultuous events, both from my own life and the lives of others around me, God is teaching me a seemingly basic truth. Fundamental, but challenging. God has personally blessed us. That is obvious to me. But in his blessing, I don't want my focus to shift from Him to his blessing. I want to live with an "open palm" mentality. Not open palm meaning, ready to receive, but open palm meaning that I don't cling to things or people in such a way that I place my trust in them. That my focus shifts away from Jesus. I want to give everything I have to God each day because they're not mine to begin with. I want to live like everything is on loan from him.
Don't we try to treat things better that aren't ours anyway? Being sort of clumsy and awkward with...things...I have broken something that belonged to someone else on more than one occasion. That feeling is more terrible than if I had broken ten of my own somethings. I want to live like my house isn't mine. I want to live like my husband doesn't belong to me. The same goes for my daughter. My husband's job. Everything. They belong to the Lord. He has let me have them for a time and a time only. I want to live like I really believe that.
This does not come out of fear of loss; I have experienced loss before and I know that if I had to do it again, I could...because I have Hope. So I am not afraid. Rather this is entirely about my attitude. I want to be humble. Few things are uglier to me than arrogance. I want to be thankful in all things. I think the Bible repeats "be thankful", and "with thankfulness" so much because we are so prone to become spoiled little children, demanding things from God. And adopting at attitude of thankfulness can transform a person. I will go as far as to say that I believe it is the only way to experience true happiness.
Be thankful. Be humble. Live like your trust is really in Jesus and not yourself (your abilities), not a job, not your things, not your husband, not your kids. That is what I yearn for. This is what God has been teaching me lately.
There is a difference between finding joy in things, relationships and such and getting your worth from them. Letting those things define you. For instance, I find it extremely satisfying to make things with my hands. (I think it's in my genetics.) That's why I think it is fun to sew. However, I have to be on guard to not let my value come from being crafty or get my identitfy from being a "homemaker." God tells me who I am. Not the way I interact with my daughter on any given day. Or the fact that I even have a child. Not the fact that I have many years of college behind me. Not whether I packed my husband's lunch or let him do it himself. Not whether I have a career or stay home with my kid. Not anything that I feel. Not what anyone else tells me. If I chased those things in order to find value, I would be placing my trust in them. Wouldn't I be train wreck when things didn't go as planned?! Nevertheless, it is a constant learning process.
Here is an excerpt from my journal last month (I know, I blog and I keep a journal. Good for me.) Forgive me if this is somewhat redundant:
Don't we try to treat things better that aren't ours anyway? Being sort of clumsy and awkward with...things...I have broken something that belonged to someone else on more than one occasion. That feeling is more terrible than if I had broken ten of my own somethings. I want to live like my house isn't mine. I want to live like my husband doesn't belong to me. The same goes for my daughter. My husband's job. Everything. They belong to the Lord. He has let me have them for a time and a time only. I want to live like I really believe that.
This does not come out of fear of loss; I have experienced loss before and I know that if I had to do it again, I could...because I have Hope. So I am not afraid. Rather this is entirely about my attitude. I want to be humble. Few things are uglier to me than arrogance. I want to be thankful in all things. I think the Bible repeats "be thankful", and "with thankfulness" so much because we are so prone to become spoiled little children, demanding things from God. And adopting at attitude of thankfulness can transform a person. I will go as far as to say that I believe it is the only way to experience true happiness.
Be thankful. Be humble. Live like your trust is really in Jesus and not yourself (your abilities), not a job, not your things, not your husband, not your kids. That is what I yearn for. This is what God has been teaching me lately.
There is a difference between finding joy in things, relationships and such and getting your worth from them. Letting those things define you. For instance, I find it extremely satisfying to make things with my hands. (I think it's in my genetics.) That's why I think it is fun to sew. However, I have to be on guard to not let my value come from being crafty or get my identitfy from being a "homemaker." God tells me who I am. Not the way I interact with my daughter on any given day. Or the fact that I even have a child. Not the fact that I have many years of college behind me. Not whether I packed my husband's lunch or let him do it himself. Not whether I have a career or stay home with my kid. Not anything that I feel. Not what anyone else tells me. If I chased those things in order to find value, I would be placing my trust in them. Wouldn't I be train wreck when things didn't go as planned?! Nevertheless, it is a constant learning process.
Here is an excerpt from my journal last month (I know, I blog and I keep a journal. Good for me.) Forgive me if this is somewhat redundant:
February 24, 2009
Some Psalms that stick out to me tonight:
Psalm 144:3-4 - "O Lord, what is man that you regard him, or the son of man that you think of him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow."
Psalm 146:3-5 - "Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish. Blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God."
I find it comforting to know that in all times - in joy or in sorrow - God is deeply moved on my behalf and He even knows the very number of hairs on my head and goings on of the insignificant sparrow. However, I really enjoy scriptures that put life into perspective. That remind me to be humble and thankful in all things. To remember that in the grand scheme of life and eternity, my problems are not so overbearing
I feel as though in the wake of [things], God is whispering in his still, small voice, "In whom do you put your trust? From what do you gain your value?" My answer should not be my daughter and my future children. I should not put my trust in my husband [I should trust him, yes, but not put my trust, my hope in him]. Or his job. My value should not be determined by my accomplishments as daughter, wife or mother.
These are concepts that I have nearly always known and understood, but to take them to heart and live with an "open palm" mentality is different. My husband does not belong to me. My daughter is not mine. They are the Lord's. If I have learned anything [....] it is that I must continue to give my family over to God each day. It's hard to comprehend that He loves them more than I do (or ever will) but that's the reality of it, so they're better off in His full care anyway. But, man, will I thank Him everyday for lending them to me for awhile!
Some Psalms that stick out to me tonight:
Psalm 144:3-4 - "O Lord, what is man that you regard him, or the son of man that you think of him? Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow."
Psalm 146:3-5 - "Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish. Blessed is he whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God."
I find it comforting to know that in all times - in joy or in sorrow - God is deeply moved on my behalf and He even knows the very number of hairs on my head and goings on of the insignificant sparrow. However, I really enjoy scriptures that put life into perspective. That remind me to be humble and thankful in all things. To remember that in the grand scheme of life and eternity, my problems are not so overbearing
I feel as though in the wake of [things], God is whispering in his still, small voice, "In whom do you put your trust? From what do you gain your value?" My answer should not be my daughter and my future children. I should not put my trust in my husband [I should trust him, yes, but not put my trust, my hope in him]. Or his job. My value should not be determined by my accomplishments as daughter, wife or mother.
These are concepts that I have nearly always known and understood, but to take them to heart and live with an "open palm" mentality is different. My husband does not belong to me. My daughter is not mine. They are the Lord's. If I have learned anything [....] it is that I must continue to give my family over to God each day. It's hard to comprehend that He loves them more than I do (or ever will) but that's the reality of it, so they're better off in His full care anyway. But, man, will I thank Him everyday for lending them to me for awhile!
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I'll leave you with a couple pics of my sweet sun baby. I mean, toddler.
2 comments:
Humility, placing my trust in Him alone, remembering and living the truth that all that I am AND all that I HAVE is God's...all of these are things He has been reminding me of and teaching me as well. I enjoyed reading another way of saying things.
As for your little sweetie, I will affirm your feelings about the terrible twos or labels like it. Yes, there are stages where our children will challenge us and try to be in control, but if you keep firm feet and do not surrender control to your child those times do not last as long. The more effort you put in during the earliest years, the less you have to do as they grow.
Some of the things you are seeing sound like age things to me as well. My little girl weaned herself at 9 months (would not nurse) and she still went through similar things at 18 months or so. It might be helpful to think of the other children like siblings. When Bella has a brother or sister, she will have to learn to share Mommy. Trust me when I say that I know that is hard. My daughter's best friend, who is 5 months younger) was with us while her Mommy worked from 8 weeks old until she was nearly two (then we had another baby and it was too much for me).
Good luck with that purging. Once you get in that groove it's actually really fun! I am nearly done with mine and it has helped my moods amazingly.
Thanks for the thoughts! It is soo nice to hear some encouragement from a more experienced mom.
After the weekend, I also am convinced that these behaviors are age/stage things as well. Okay, the whining and cuddling were related to weening b/c they stopped as soon as she stopped asking for milk the past couple of days. The rest are definitely stage things.
Yes, I agree that thinking of the others as siblings is very effective (I have watched other kids since she was 4 weeks old so she really doesn't know any different.) However, now that my daughter is older it seems like she is not doing as well with the fact that she has to constantly share mommy during the week during "business hours", but then she gets two-on-one attention most evenings and on the weekends. What confusing contrast! Oh well. It is what it is and we get to keep doing our best.
Thanks for your comment and encouragment! So nice for someone to be able to relate. :-)
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